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Post by samantha marie mackenna on Jul 10, 2012 13:06:40 GMT -5
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was hard for Sam to focus on anything except the dull pain she was feeling in her wrist. Looking back, she felt stupid for resorting back to the coping mechanisms she used as a young teen. Looking back, she realized how many times she had been close to getting seriously hurt. At one point when she was maybe 12 years old, she spent a few hours in the hospital getting a blood transfusion because the cutting had elevated to a large amount of blood loss. This time, when she cut herself, her hands were shaking so badly that she had accidentally cut herself deeper than intended because she had very little control over the blade. Luckily, Seb had come over almost immediately after she messaged him and had taken her to the hospital, which probably saved her from further harm. Sam couldn't think about what Ryan would say when he found out about what she'd done to herself. She tried to keep telling herself that he'd be okay and not be mad at her, but she honestly didn't know what to expect. Seb had gotten so frustrated that he ended up leaving after they were sewing up her wound and had only returned to give her the teddy bear Ryan gave her when they were much younger as well as her ipod and cell phone. The light brown fur of the teddy bear was a welcome reminder of his love for her as his best friend through all the rough times with her parents doing things to her. She knew Seb was probably out in the hallway somewhere, staring at the door to the hospital room she was sitting in right now. Now as she laid in the hospital bed in a thin hospital gown and tucked under a tan blanket, Sam looked and felt tiny. Her curly hair was down but flattened by laying on it for the past few hours. The ear-buds of the headphones were tucked gently in her ears, providing her with some distraction from the white walls of room 302. An IV was placed in her arm, giving her some fluids since they found that she was also somewhat dehydrated. If someone were to look at Sam from the doorway, she would've looked like a young child, afraid and alone in a big hospital. "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz began playing through her headphones and she couldn't help but wonder if these words were true between Ryan and herself. He had been there for her through everything that had happened up to this point, but that was mostly through phone calls and online messaging services. Sam couldn't help but wonder if he'd actually come see her here in this horrible hospital room or if he would just leave her to wait for his instant message.
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Post by sebastian evan steinhardt on Jul 11, 2012 19:44:25 GMT -5
  His blood was boiling and his heart was racing, Seb was really pissed off and he knew that if he dare saw Caedyn right now he would strangle the guy. He didn’t know the whole story but right off the bat he blamed Caedyn for everything that had happened and even then some, honestly he was just really over reacting but he didn’t care. He was mad and when he was mad he really didn’t even know how he was supposed to react, he really almost just went on a limb and went with whatever he was feeling and right now he was angry at Caedyn and he couldn’t help it. Really Sebastian was one of those people who did and thought things without knowing the real story, and he ended up hurting people in the process of that, even just really without even trying too.
Since he found his sister he was as protective as he could be, he had to be to try and make up for the many years that they had lost. He was taken away, put up for adoption and he just had to be with her as much as possible now, but then this happens and just freaks him out. He honestly really did worry when she said that she had cut before too, he didn’t like hearing that, because he was afraid of losing her now. He didn’t want to just find her to lose her in the end; she was about the only family he had that he cared about. His adoptive parents were great and all, but they were of course not even his real family and Sam was. Sam really was all that he had, and he couldn’t go and simply lose her like that and for a stupid reason like suicide too. He would probably never forgive her for that, and he would never forgive Caedyn too.
Hell, he didn’t think he could ever trust and forgive Caedyn now for what he did and then running away when Sebastian was sure that he had a girlfriend. He seemed to wonder just what she would say if she knew and found out about everything that happened, honestly Seb hoped that she would dump him. Sure that was really harsh though, but Caedyn did go and kiss someone else and that was just not right. Sitting outside of the room he sighed playing with the fingers on his one hand, the day was spent with him leaving the room and pacing while they sewed up her arm. He spent another hour just staring at the door before he even thought about getting up and going into the room; once he did he just looked at his sister.
“How are you feeling?” he asked her sitting down at one of the chairs running his fingers though his hair, right now he was really just trying to calm his nerves. He was still very on edge and very upset, his mind could only seem to think about what could have just happened.
 * * *words;; 509
thoughts;; Pretty good for being written on a phone and then edited xD |
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Post by samantha marie mackenna on Jul 12, 2012 22:54:48 GMT -5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sam could tell how annoyed Seb was about the entire situation and hadn't wanted to say anything more to make him even angrier. Over the past few weeks, the pair of siblings had grown extremely close, utilizing as much time as they had together as possible because of the lack of time together up until this point. It was unfair that the twins had known nothing of each other up until now, and Sam was going to do her best to mend the situation between them. Sam would never actually commit suicide, but all of the cutting had brought her pretty close to losing her life on multiple occasions through her short life so far. Sam could only guess what was running through Seb's mind at that moment, and hoped that he would be able to control himself enough in the end. Sam wanted Sebastian back in the room with her because she was done and tired of being alone after the stress she had been through that day. Seb hadn't been there when she was getting her wound sewn up with about 10 stitches and knew that if he was here with her, her mental stability to control her emotions would greatly improve. Sam watched him come inside the room and started to tear up a little bit. Seb had fought through his anger and other negative emotions to hold himself together for Sam's sake and she was greatly appreciative. She looked up at him and replied, "Arm hurts." She motioned to the arm with the stitches to make her point. The one thing she knew for sure about Seb was that he always ran his fingers through his hair if he was stressed about something. She hated that she had caused all of this extra worry on Seb.
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Post by sebastian evan steinhardt on Jul 12, 2012 23:21:05 GMT -5
Really is was no surprise that Sebastian was so angry at Sam with what had happened because she had just been so afraid of the possibility of losing her and he didn’t want that, he only just had her come into his life after almost a lifetime of being apart and to have that ruined by the thought of her dying. His heart almost shattered at the very thought of it and he couldn’t dare let a thing like that ever happen again, which was in truth the main reason he would be sure to never let her leave his sight again. He would honestly be fair to afraid to eve do such a thing knowing what had almost happened and he didn’t want it happening again either. His other main thought was his anger, he was angry at really everyone and everything right now but the main source of his anger was directed to Caedyn.
Sure he truly had no idea that the boy was actually thinking when he did just what he had did but he didn’t really seem to care much about that either, all he could really think about was the fact that he was mad and someone had to pay for it and that someone was Caedyn. He had spent his time pacing and just being angry trying to control his urges to go out and drink just like he had used to do, he knew he couldn’t go and simply do such things anymore though. He would have drank in till he was passed out if he did and he knew that doing that would just be stupid and something he would really just much rather avoid. That was why for the time being he had decided to just go and avoid talking to his sister to save his self from further anger. After some time and being able to finally calm down Seb walked into the room, he was still a little peeved but a lot better now.
Looking at his sister when she motioned to her arm he sighed, he simply just hated seeing her hurt because it meant he hadn’t been able to protect her enough and just glancing down he clenched his fists. “It’s going to hurt, you just had stitches put into it because you cut yourself” he mumbled trying his best just to calm his tone and not sound too angry at all this.
* * * words;; 406
thoughts;; He's peeved, yes. |
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Post by samantha marie mackenna on Jul 13, 2012 16:50:28 GMT -5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sam's breath caught in her throat when she heard Sebastian's reply. It hurt to hear Seb talking like that to her, regardless of how stupid her actions were. If Seb was talking to her like this, she was honestly worried how badly Ryan would respond to her as well. She could see the pain she was causing him all over his face, in his eyes, and simply the muscles near his mouth. His entire body seemed tense and she blamed herself for causing this much stress. Sam couldn't help the tears that began pouring down her face, partly from her depressed emotions and also from the stress of the day. "Look.. I know what I did was.. stupid," she started. "Please.. at least try to be nice to me right now. It hurts enough already to see you angry, I really.. can't handle you being mad at me right now, ok?" It honestly pained her to see him so sad and angry because of her. Seb sounded like he wanted to punch something, or maybe someone if his anger elevated enough.
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Post by sebastian evan steinhardt on Jul 14, 2012 0:08:43 GMT -5
Sebastian was really just awfully stressed out due to what had just happened, he couldn’t really help but feel that way though with what had happened only moments before. The whole ride here he had been worrying and almost even on edge just thinking of all the things that could have happened if he had been even minutes to late, he was living in fear of that now hoping and praying that nothing bad happened. In all he was just being even slightly paranoid and he couldn’t seem but even just acting this way, it was even just a really bad way to be feeling. He honestly even just hated having to feel that way even for a minute, he had just been so worried about her and he couldn’t help but seem angry.
When Sam spoke he sighed trying to calm down and just seem less angry, “I’m sorry it’s just that. Me acting angry is just sorta my way of hiding the fact that I’m upset” Seb muttered unclenching his fists for a moment glancing down at the ground, the guy could have a pretty bad temper sometimes but he really did try to keep it under control. It was just things like this that seemed to make him just upset and angry, at really no one or anything either. He was just acting way because really, there wasn’t actually much of a reason for him to be mad but he just was for some reason and he couldn’t help that. It was sorta just his way of coping with what had happened in a way.
* * * words;; 269
thoughts;; Angry Seb |
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Post by samantha marie mackenna on Aug 11, 2012 7:13:31 GMT -5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sam closed her eyes and tried to relax as she felt Sebastian's eyes check her over for probably the five-hundredth time in the past few hours. It was so emotionally draining to feel this sad and depressed, let alone have to see someone close to you hurting almost just as much. Sam understood why Sebastian was being so protective; they had only just found each other a few weeks prior and for something like this to happen was probably horrendous for Seb. Based on her somewhat limited knowledge of his personality, he liked to control everything as much as possible, so this definitely put a dent in his plans for sure. The song on her iPod switched from pop music to music from the score of the movie “Titanic,” from the scene where Jack is painting Rose while she is wearing the necklace. She kept her eyes closed and felt herself relax into a gentle consciousness, getting lost in the music instead of everything that was happening around her. If Sebastian decided to say something to her at that point, she wouldn't hear him, regardless of if the music was low enough that he could have been heard over the wonderful notes. The Titanic theme was being played over and over, changing keys sporadically through the song. Sam felt like she was floating on a cloud surrounded by sunshine and a rainbow, with Ryan sitting right next to her. She pictured herself dancing in a huge ballroom with him, and being in the same position as Rose and Jack when they meet on the staircase in the movie. Thinking of Ryan made Sam realize that he still had not shown up to see her in the hospital. ”Guess he doesn't care as much as he always made out to,” she thought to herself, hating that she even had to think negatively about Ryan. As was clear from Sam's daydream while listening to the Titanic music, Sam felt like Ryan was her other half. To not have your other half there to be with you and protect you was hard, which was probably why Sam wanted to cry repeatedly because of all these mixed up feelings in her head and heart at the moment. She opened her tear-filled eyes and looked straight at Sebastian whispering to him, ”I need Ryan.”
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